How to Get What You Really Want Out of Life

I figured a title like that might pique your interest.  Most of us want to figure out how to get what we really want out of life.  And don’t worry – I actually do know how to make that happen for you, even if I have no idea what exactly you want out of life.  How is that possible?  Well you’re only about 500 words away from finding out!

Step One – Stop Thinking You Can Have It All

And we begin with a total bummer!  This is easily – easily – the hardest part of the process.  But it’s also the most essential part, because there is no such thing as having it all.  Nobody has it all.  High-powered CEOs do not have time for rich social lives or multiple rewarding hobbies; famous people do not have their anonymity and the freedom of movement that non-famous people take for granted; solo entrepreneurs do not have a broad network of colleagues to draw strength from when things are difficult; massive organizations do not have the ability to make nimble changes as easily as small businesses do; professional athletes will not get to be professional athletes into their 60s and 70s; emperors and dictators don’t relax a lot and occasionally get murdered.  When you are able to actually accept that life is far too complicated and varied for any of us to “have it all,” that it requires us to sacrifice some things in order to have other things, that’s when you can actually begin to pursue your best life.

Step Two – Determine Your Non-Negotiables

What’s most important to you?  Is it having the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world?  Is it earning a certain amount of money to sustain a particular lifestyle?  Is it doing something you feel is important and meaningful?  Is it living close to your extended family?  It could be any of these, or plenty of things I haven’t mentioned.  It can’t be everything, as we’ve already discussed, but each of us has a few things that we consider to be critical components of a good life.  Once you figure out which things you need to have – not just want to have, but need to have – you’ll be able to move to the next step.

Step Three – Make Reasonable Sacrifices

The word ‘reasonable’ is important here.  Let’s say two of your non-negotiables are earning at least $100,000 a year, and being attentive and present for your family.  Your ability to achieve one of those goals may occasionally require you to make some sacrifices in your pursuit of the other.  So is it reasonable, for example, that you might miss a few family dinners because you need to work late?  Is it reasonable to do a couple hours’ work during a family vacation?  Is it reasonable to take an extra weeklong vacation if it means you’ll only earn $93,000 or $96,000 this year?  The more conscious you are of the trade-offs you’re making as you pursue multiple non-negotiables, the happier you’ll be that whatever decision you’re making in any given moment is helping you achieve what you really want in that moment.

Step Four – Periodically Re-Assess Your Non-Negotiables

Things change.  The goals we pursue when we’re 24 are not necessarily the same things we’ll care about when we’re 30 or 44 or 61.  A career that felt meaningful six years ago may no longer provide you with the same sense of accomplishment that it used to; a work/life balance that used to feel perfect might someday feel unbalanced.  So periodically ask yourself if the things you’re pursuing are still the things you want to be pursuing.  These internal conversations are often mislabeled as “crises,” – quarter-life crisis, mid-life crisis, etc. – but in reality they happen anytime we analyze the deal we’ve made with life and decide that it might be time for a new arrangement.

And there you go!  This is the simple, straightforward, messy and chaotic path each of us follows as we go after whatever it is we want.  Although to be fair, a lot of us have never thought about this and just do whatever comes along and hope that it works out.  And sometimes it does.  But whenever it doesn’t, the nice thing is that this process is always there for us, ready for us to put it into practice anytime we want.

So what are you waiting for?  Go get whatever you’re looking for!