Over the years I’ve developed several different keynote presentations on a variety of topics. And over the years, those presentations have changed and evolved so much that the current versions look very different from the original versions. But one piece of information that has remained consistent in my “Unleash Your Inner Tyrant” leadership presentation involves how we can improve our professional relationships, and I think it’s still in there because it continues to be one of the moments in that presentation that consistently resonates with people. Hopefully it will resonate with you as well.
When it comes to our professional relationships, the whole idea of improving them might seem foolish considering how many different professional relationships we have. Colleagues, bosses, employees, other department heads, vendors, customers – so many different types of people that whatever advice might be useful for one group surely won’t work as well on another. That, I think, is how the logic goes, which is why there are 847,000 leadership books and courses designed to help you improve your relationships with specific subsets of your professional world.
But what if we’re not as different as we think we are? That’s the central argument I’m trying to make here. Fundamentally, all relationships are built on the same foundational principles. We need to have a shared goal. We need to communicate effectively. We need to be able to offer differing opinions when we have them, to not resort to name-calling or personal attacks, to develop a similar worldview or sense of humor or higher calling. When we do these things, our relationships are strong, no matter who we’re doing them with.
Which means that the rules we follow to build, strengthen, and sustain our personal relationships are the same rules we need to follow in order to build, strengthen, and sustain our professional relationships.
That doesn’t mean that you’ll have the same kind of relationship with a colleague that you do with your children or friends or spouse. What it means is that the ways we build all relationships – productive or destructive, healthy or toxic – follow the same basic blueprints.
So if you want to improve your professional relationships, my recommendation is for you to spend some time analyzing your personal relationships – specifically, those relationships that are particularly strong. What exactly is it about those relationships that is working so well? How do you ensure that you’re pursuing the same goals? When arguments happen, how do you resolve them successfully? How do you comfort each other when bad things happen? How do you inspire each other to try harder or think deeper about particularly difficult problems?
I don’t know exactly how you’ll answer any of those questions. But I do know that you can take those answers and apply those strategies to your professional relationships as well. For myself, I know that every strong personal relationship is one where new ideas are explored before they’re acted on (or shut down). I know that my arguments are always about the issue at hand, not about the person who is bringing the issue up. I know that we always find something to laugh about, eventually, even if it’s not particularly funny, as a way to move past difficult moments. And these are some of the same building blocks that guide my approach to building solid professional relationships as well.
The point I’m trying to make is that our strongest personal relationships can provide a blueprint to follow for improving our professional relationships. And since we’ve been practicing our personal relationships for our entire lives, the skills required to improve our professional relationships are ones that we already have. Hopefully, a little reflection on the secrets to your personal successes will help you improve your professional success as well.
