Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we expect it to. At least, that’s the phrase we use, which is at least a little dramatic. Life? Like, all of it, the entirety of our existence, just somehow went entirely the opposite direction from what we wanted? That’s probably not the case. What’s actually happening is that certain things in life don’t go according to plan. We don’t get a job that we were hoping to get, or we find out we don’t like a job that we thought we would like. The person we want to date isn’t interested in dating us, or we can’t find a way to save up enough money to buy that near-Earth orbital rocket we’ve been dreaming about. These things are never fun when they happen, but they generally don’t represent every single thing in our world.
So I suppose that’s the first step to managing and overcoming difficult changes – simply remembering that each of these unpleasant things is only a piece of a much bigger puzzle. But that doesn’t address what to do about those specific things when they do happen. So let’s get into that now.
In general, whenever we realize that something isn’t going the way we wanted it to go, we are essentially saying that the path we are currently following is not going to help us achieve the goal we have set for ourselves. This is pretty much always an unpleasant realization, and a lot of times our reaction is to cry or rage and decide that there’s nothing we can really do.
The truth, however, is that we do have an option in these moments. Two, in fact. We can either change the path we’re on, or we can change the goal we’ve set.
For example, let’s say you really wanted a job at Company X, and you didn’t get it. One option is to change the path you followed that led you to apply when you did. That might involve gaining more experience, going back to school, redoubling your efforts at networking, or any number of other possibilities. The other option is to change your goal, which might involve applying for a different job at Company X, or for a similar job at Company Y, or for something in a similar industry in another city.
The same is true with relationships, or money, or really just about anything. If you want a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in reciprocating, you can either change the way that you’re interacting with that person, or you can change your goal and seek a relationship with someone else. If you want something you don’t have enough money to buy, you can either change your path (budget differently, start a side hustle, etc.) or you can alter your goals so that you’re pursuing things you can comfortably afford.
I’m not saying any of this is easy. Not to be overly obvious here, but difficult changes are indeed difficult. What I’m trying to say is that all of them offer us two different ways to approach and manage them, and we generally get to choose whether or not to change our path, our goals, or both. Hopefully that knowledge will give you a greatest sense of agency and power the next time you’re faced with a difficult change.
