So, today is Administrative Professionals Day, and bosses the world over are asking their administrative assistants to pick out presents for themselves that their bosses can then pretend to give them. If I were an administrative assistant, I would probably buy myself a helicopter and then write my boss the nicest thank-you note ever. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?
Anyway, this is the one day each year when we’re supposed to remind ourselves how invaluable our administrative assistants are – indeed, that without them our respective businesses would essentially stop functioning. But since I feel like indulging in a thought experiment, I’d like you to imagine a world without any administrative assistants. There are probably several excellent reasons to let go of all of your support staff, but here are the first three that come to mind:
Spending Hours Searching for Important Information Is a Great Way to Spend Time!
Given that there’s a decent chance that you don’t even know all the phone numbers of your immediate family members, I think it’s safe to say that there is all kinds of information you need every day that you would have no idea how to find without the help of your administrative professionals. But they’re basically stealing all the fun from you! Treasure hunts are awesome, as evidenced by the success of Pirates of the Caribbean, and I think it’s high time that you channel your inner Jack Sparrow by going on a long, circuitous, and endlessly maddening journey trying to find the stuff you need to do your job. If you’ve ever spent five minutes wandering the parking lot looking for your car, then I think you can appreciate how great an experience this will be for you.
Business Relationships are More Satisfying When You’ve Had to Build Every One of Them from Scratch!
I’d be willing to bet all kinds of money (in all kinds of currencies, while I’m at it), that your administrative professionals have been greasing the wheels of your business relationships for years – writing thank-you notes, remembering birthdays, sending flowers and gifts to important clients, and otherwise making sure that people think of you fondly whenever it’s time for you to work together. But what’s more fun – crossing a bridge, or using an underwater torch to weld support pylons into the sea floor? I think we all know the answer to that one.
Computer Program User Manuals are PAGE-TURNING READS!
Not that your administrative professionals would know. They’ve become masters at Quickbooks by spending years developing an unbelievable mastery of its various ins and outs. So get rid of them! I can think of no better way for you to spend the next 3 months of your life than by screaming obscenities at your computer screen because the STUPID YOUTUBE TUTORIAL VIDEO YOU’RE WATCHING DIDN’T TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEEDED TO KNOW!!!! Or whatever the problem ends up being.
I think I’ve made a pretty good case, although I undoubtedly missed a billion different things I could have mentioned here. That’s the problem with administrative professionals; they do so many things that it’s really hard to know where to start getting mad at them for being so proficient. So here’s to you, administrative professionals! Thanks for sucking all the fun out of our jobs.