I just got the results back from my first personality assessment, and guess what? I’m Intuitive! I’m also a Planner, and I’m Conflict Averse. I knew that last one, ever since my MMA career ended before I ever began training for it, but it was a surprise to learn that I like having things organized when my desk is always two papers away from being declared a national disaster. Who knew that Planners could be messy?
Anyway, I went into a meeting this morning armed with my new-found knowledge and confident that I now knew who I was, and that others would ultimately respect that and bow to my wishes. That was, at least, the impression I got when I took the assessment – if I know me, then I’ll be able to convince others to do things the way I like them to be done.
That isn’t exactly what happened.
“So the new dye failed trials,” my boss said before I even had a chance to sit down. “We’re going to need to run more experiments, find a new formula, and get it all done in two weeks – somehow, don’t ask me how – because that’s when they need everything.”
“B-but wait a second,” I spluttered. “That’s impossible. We can’t design and run completely new experiments that quickly. Do we even know what went wrong?”
“It’s not impossible, it’s just hard,” my boss replied. I didn’t know for certain, but I was beginning to think she might be a Conflict-Liker. “Which is what we pay you for. Yes, we have the trial data. Let’s dig into it.”
“Hold on,” I said, remembering the biggest piece of the Personality Pie I’d been given as a treat for taking the assessment. “This isn’t really working for me. I’m a Planner. I need more time to organize things than this.”
My boss’s eyes narrowed. “Oh. You’re a Planner. Well, great. I’m an I-Don’t-Carer.”
“Is that one of the options?”
But at that moment my boss wasn’t in the mood for assessment-based humor. “Listen, this is a $3 million account. They’ve been customers of ours for 6 years, and if we don’t get them what they need, they will find another supplier. Do you understand?”
“I do. But one favor, if I might.” I cleared my throat. “I don’t really like problems. I mean, maybe you haven’t seen the purple elephant they just put on my door, but I’m Conflict-Averse. So can we just pretend that there isn’t actually a problem so that I can operate the way I prefer to?”
“That’s hilarious,” my boss said, which I think was maybe a lie because she wasn’t laughing. “That’s seriously the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.”
I was beginning to Intuit that this was going to be a crappy day.