Last month I had the opportunity to speak for the owners of 300+ Arby’s restaurants, during which I was allowed to wear an Arby’s tiara that made me look like the archbishop of roast beef. After I was done – and I did all right, nobody threw curly fries at me or anything – I got to listen to a presentation from Fallon, the marketing firm Arby’s had hired to help them spice up their brand. They explained the roll-out behind their new “We Have the Meats” campaign, and I found the entire process fascinating.
But more importantly for the purposes of this article, it got me thinking about a few slogans I would love to see some of the world’s biggest companies adopt. So consider this my application to any major marketing company. I’m pretty sure at least one of these would be a winner. Here goes!
Budweiser – “Because You’re Just Not That Interesting When You’re Sober”
This could really be for any alcohol company, I suppose. But they say truth in advertising is the way to go. I’ve definitely met people whose conversation basically demanded that I get something to drink in order to take the edge off, so why not take it one step further?
Levis – “Our Tuxedo’s Not Just For Canadians Anymore”
How else can you convince more people to buy your denim shirts when everyone on the planet already wears your jeans?
Dairy Queen – “For The Love Of God, Eat Our Stuff!”
Sometimes, good old-fashioned desperation is the best way to go. It got me at least two dates in high school.
Sears – “If You Take a Photo Of Our Products And Buy Them on Amazon We Swear We Will Track You Down and Destroy Your Phone”
This one’s a little wordy, but the idea is sound. Occasionally the ‘take-no-nonsense angry person’ ad approach is the best way to go.
Amtrak – “Only Take Your Shoes Off If You Want To”
Would also work for Greyhound and most boating outfits. Why is it that airplanes are the only form of travel where we have to go through security checkpoints?
Fuji Water – “Why Get Something For Free When You Can Pay For It Instead?”
Pretty self-explanatory, I think.
I have more, of course, but I’ll stop there until I get the call I’m expecting any moment from whatever major marketing firm is waiting to gobble me up. Have a great day!
You make my day Jeff!!
🙂 Happy Friday Laura!
How about “Starbucks, where 25 cents worth of coffee only costs $4.95 and half an hour of your life.”
Jon, that’s hilarious. I was actually thinking the other day about how stupid it was for me to pay that much for coffee while I was actually sitting in a Starbucks drive-thru. But I sadly keep going back! They got me hooked!
I’ve always wanted to run an experiment where, whenever you bought a Starbucks coffee you also got a punch in the face. The larger the coffee, the harder the punch. I’d like to find out how much people would show off their bruises as a sign of pride in the same way that the Starbucks logo always faces outward on their coffee cups. Although, finding a barista that could throw a punch (hit a ball, catch a pass, drive a golf ball outside of an xBox) might be difficult.