I’ll admit, I didn’t always appreciate the value of marketing. Then I hired a marketing director (who is amazing, by the way), and I saw results almost immediately. I also saw how freakishly hard her job is. So, in an homage to all of you marketing professionals out there, here are 10 reasons that your job is harder than mine is.
1. Some Things Are Hard To Make Exciting! “OK, Bob, toilet paper sales are way down. We need you to create a catchy marketing campaign to get people excited about toilet paper, or maybe even extra toilets. We have no idea how that is even possible, by the way. Good luck!”
But! Since marketing people are often amazing and creative they come up with stuff like this:
2. It’s Virtually Impossible To Quantify The Value of Good Marketing! Most customers don’t tell you they’re buying your stuff because of last radio promo. Yay for living forever in a limbo of wondering whether or not your efforts are actually worth anything!
3. You Always Get Called On For Damage Control! If something goes wrong, you can bet a marketing team is going to be feverishly trying to find a bright side to the disaster. And nothing says stress quite like trying to figure out how to turn a nuclear spill into a positive learning opportunity about the importance of safety.
4. Financial People Hate Giving You Money To Do Things! “Look, I allocated $18, OK? I’m sure that’s enough for a few posters and, you know, whatever else it is those people do.”
5. There Are Approximately 41,032,987 Places You Could Be Using Your Marketing Budget! Which is only $18, by the way. It’s kind of like facing down an army of angry zombies with a single gun and 8 bullets. Which ones to target? How come influencers don’t have the decency to announce themselves?!?!
6. Some Of Your Ideas Are Absolutely Bound To Fail! Dentists rarely drill the wrong tooth. But marketers often run a monthlong campaign only to find that exactly 13 people bothered to participate. Ever organize a birthday party for yourself where nobody showed up? It’s kind of like that.
7. Everybody Thinks You Have the ‘Fun’ Job. Coworkers say stuff to marketers like “Wow, you get to be on Facebook at work? You’re so lucky!”, but spend about 30 seconds looking at Facebook Insights (the numbers behind the Facebook posts that marketers have to report to their bosses) and THEN let me know how fun social media at work can be!
8. Some of What You’re Forced to Market Is Questionable At Best! “So please, ask your doctor about Bytocytomyteralizapinone. We promise it’s great! Although side effects may include intense bleeding, chronic diarrhea, sadness, itchy fingers, toe pain, brittle elbows, gout, dizziness, scalp erosion…do I really have to keep going here?”
9. People Think You’re Expendable – Until You’re Not Around! That’s when they realize how critical you are to making their business successful.
Here’s to you, marketing people! Without you we’d all have no idea what to buy, or why, or where. Now get out there and market those toilets!!!!