The graduation season is approaching. Right now, millions of college seniors are preparing themselves for the biggest life transition since the day they arrived in college. And a couple months from now, industries all across the nation will be filled with people who only three months ago spent an entire week drunk on the beach. The fact that America has survived this yearly ritual for as long as it has is a testament to our nation’s resilience.
Anyway, I know a lot of college kids out there are probably freaking out about what their future holds. But you don’t have to worry. There are still plenty of ways you can prolong the college experience. Work is super hard, and your parents probably haven’t converted your old bedroom into a workout gym just yet. There’s still time for you to move back home! And here’s how you can help make sure that happens.
Say Any One of The Following Things In Your Interviews!
One of the more entertaining parts of my job is the opportunity I have to talk with professionals in all different kinds of industries. I get to meet white collar workers, blue collar workers, Republicans, Democrats, 20-year olds, 80-year olds, and pretty much everything in between. Collectively, they provide a wonderful understanding of what our country really is. And collectively, they’ve helped us put together this video to show you exactly how quickly you can go from ‘prospective employee’ to ‘guy/girl we laugh about in the breakroom after the hilarious bad interview you just gave’. Every one of these sentence has been uttered by somebody. I repeat, we didn’t make any of this stuff up. So watch and enjoy!
Expect Your Starting Salary to Be the Average Salary for Professionals in Your Industry!
A lot of college students don’t know this, but there is a HUGE difference between “average salary” and “average STARTING salary”. That first one is the average of EVERYONE IN YOUR FREAKING INDUSTRY, from new hires up through people with 25+ years experience . So please, please please please, research the average salary for your chosen field and then demand that when it comes time to talk money. Most interviews don’t get to laugh all day. Don’t make them stay sad.
Think That The First Job You Get After College Is The Only Job You’ll Ever Have For Your Entire Life!!!!
I’d like you to ignore the fact that the average worker stays in one job for approximately 4.4 years. I’d also like you to ignore the fact that the average millennial worker stays in one job for approximately 2.3 years. In fact, I’d like you to ignore math and statistics entirely. If you took statistics in college, then you’ll know how much you’ve always wanted to ignore it anyway – and seriously, when was the last time you heard anyone say, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m talking to a real live mathematician right now, I’m so excited can I have your autograph!?!?!?” Believing that your first job is going to be the only job you ever get will be a great way for you to turn down job offers that don’t seem to be perfect right out of the gate.
So there you go! Keep these simple thoughts in mind, and you should never have to delete compromising photos of yourself on Facebook – because nobody will care what you’re doing with your time anyway!
Want more helpful tips? Check out my book, How to Get Fired!: The New Employee’s Guide to Perpetual Unemployment.
Image from Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/saranv/3521287388/