Hello, and welcome back. I’m especially excited to be talking to you today. I’m excited about everything, really – breathing, the feel of the cool winter air on my face, the quiet honking of geese flying overhead, even the occasional poop on my car from all those flying geese. Why am I so grateful for all of those things? Because I went to the mall this weekend. Seriously, I’m lucky to be alive.Now I’m sure you know that 97% of the people shopping this holiday season – just like 97% of the people you work with – are perfectly normal, decent, well-meaning citizens. But let’s talk about the other 3%. They’re the real mavericks, the go-getters, the kind of insufferable egoists we should all try to model ourselves after. And in honor of their contribution to the eventual decline of our civilization, here are a few things I witnessed this weekend that you could easily put into practice at work this week:
Blame Someone Else for Your Mistakes! This one goes out to the guy I heard yelling at a store clerk this weekend because their store was out of something he wanted. Well done, sir! It’s definitely the clerk’s fault for not realizing that you would be coming in ten days after everyone else. The entire sales staff should have been aware of your desires and stockpiled items in anticipation of your arrival. Shame on them!
Don’t Hold the Door Open! It’s a tiny issue, but little things can aggregate. In this case, a woman was obviously in such a hurry, and so focused on doing whatever it is she had to do, that she effectively shut the mall door in my face. Did I get upset? Not really. But if she and I worked together, I might be consider taking all the paper out of her printer.
Leave Trash Everywhere! And now we have a giant shout-out to approximately 30% of the people at the mall this weekend, There’s a reason they put trash cans every 20 feet – because the food court is not actually a restaurant with busboys. And neither is your office breakroom, but don’t let that stop you from cluttering it up with pizza crusts and old coffee grounds. Put some thought into it, and you can make your breakroom look like a Jackson Pollack painting, and those things are worth millions.
So ho ho ho, and a big Merry GETOUTOFMYWAYWHATDOYOUMEANYOU’RESOLDOUT?!?!?! to everyone out there in readerland. See you next week! I’m happy to be able to say that with confidence, because all of my shopping is done. Hallelujah.
Author: Jeff Havens
Jeff Havens is a speaker, author, and professional development expert who tackles leadership, generational, and professional development issues with an exceptional blend of content and entertainment. He is a contributing writer to Fast Company, Entrepreneur, BusinessWeek, The Wall Street Journal; and has been featured on CNBC and Fox Business. For more information, or to bring Jeff to your next meeting, contact Donna Buttice at Platinum Speakers Agency at 630.330.7533.