Hello, devoted readers! I’m writing today from Wichita, Kansas, which I learned yesterday is the airplane manufacturing capital of the world. You wouldn’t know it to look at the airport, since it would fit rather cozily into most suburban backyards, but Cessna, Lear, Airbus, and Boeing all have manufacturing facilities in the city. I learned this last night from two gentlemen at the hotel bar, right before they started using their iPhones to take clandestine pictures of the pretty girl sitting on the opposite end of the bar.
Well, ‘clandestine’ isn’t exactly the right word, since she figured it out pretty quickly and left soon after. And in honor of their unbelievably juvenile attempts at flirting (hint, guys: say hello first, then take unsolicited pictures), I thought I’d share a few tactics you can use around the office to make sure that you’re eventually forced to run to the Internet to find a potential partner.
Repeatedly Tell a Coworker How Attractive He/She Is! By ‘repeatedly,’ I basically mean ‘every day.’ Once is a compliment. Once weekly is a (hopefully) harmless crush. Once daily is an uncomfortable fixation – especially if the object of your affection is not responding in kind! So please, try to pick someone who responds to your compliments with a false smile, forced laugh, and sudden realizations that they need to go do something somewhere else.
Offer Unasked-For Chair Massages! Oops! Used the wrong word again. ‘Offer’ implies that your advances are welcomed. Instead you should just go ahead and dive in. “Wow!” you’ll probably say. “You sure are tense today!” Yeah they are. It’s because you’re touching them.
Follow Your Target to Work Every Morning So You Can Park Next to Him/Her! I wish I were clever enough to make this one up. I really do.
So what are you waiting for? Give these a shot and see what happens! Or you can rock it old school and just slip the object of your affection a folded note with the Yes/No/Maybe boxes we all made famous in 6th grade. That would probably work out better for you. At least that approach is cute.