Did you know that June 13 is officially Blame Someone Else Day? I didn’t until recently – and what a relief the knowledge has been! Until now I’ve sometimes been taking responsibility for my actions. Sometimes I’ve even attempted to learn from my mistakes instead of persisting in the comfortable fiction that I have never done anything wrong. How grossly misguided is that?
So today, in honor of this most pathetic of fake Internet holidays, I present the eight people you should blame today for anything and everything you can think of.
Blame The New Person! We all know that learning takes time, and that time is money. So it’s obvious that new people are wasting a whole lot of money by learning. They also probably don’t have a great track record of success, so they’re easy targets!
Blame Your Boss! So obvious I’m almost ashamed that it’s on this list. Almost.
Blame Whoever’s Absent When The Project Is Due! They won’t be there to defend themselves. Victory is yours!
Blame Your Spouse! If it weren’t for them and their nagging insistence to spend time with you, you’d have had way more time to devote to your job. And don’t even get me started on those time-sucking children of yours!
Blame Your Parents! Your inattention to detail, chronic tardiness, abysmal work ethic and/or inability to get along with others is not your fault. It’s just how you were raised.
Blame Someone in Another Department! Seriously, how can you be expected to meet your deadlines when those idiots over in Engineering didn’t get you the specs you needed on time?
Blame a Customer! Because they’re not always right. I mean, have you seen some of the clothes they’ve chosen to buy and wear? And in public, no less.
Blame Me! I shouldn’t be immune to your unwarranted attacks. After all, the only reason you’re even thinking about blaming someone else is because something went wrong. And if you hadn’t wasted time reading this article, you would probably have been able to devote enough attention to the issue that there wouldn’t be a need to blame anyone in the first place.
So what are you waiting for? As you’ll hear me say if you ever sit in on my Uncrapify Your Life! presentation – don’t linger, point the finger! Just remember that while you can point whichever finger you want, one of them will get you in more trouble than the others.