Time for some levity! If you’re looking for a serious, career-building article, we’ve got one of those for you. But if you’d like a little goofiness, then you’ve come to the right place!
So my wife’s birthday was a couple weeks ago. She turned 33, which you’re probably thinking is pronounced ‘thirty-three’ but in our house is ‘tres tres’ because our 19-month old son can say that. So to celebrate her very special tres tres birthday, I asked my wife what she wanted for a gift. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: What would you like for your birthday?
Me: Oh, come on. You have to get something.
Wife: Seriously I don’t need anything. I already have everything I want.
Me: You’re boring.
Wife: Well, it’s not like you asked for anything for your birthday either.
Me: That’s completely different.
Wife: Oh. Cleared that right up.
I’m sure you’ve been here before. The older we get, the harder it is to get anything decent for anyone’s birthday. And yet we are enslaved to this tradition of buying things for people to celebrate. So what’s a thoughtful husband like me to do?
Well in my case, I decided to use her words against her. She said she had everything, did she? Well I have wandered my way through Amazon, and I was quite certain she didn’t have anywhere close to everything that exists. So I decided the theme for her birthday would be, “For the Girl Who Has Everything.” I asked a few friends to spend less than $15 on the stupidest gifts they could find, as long as they were reasonably confident she did not own it. Take that, love of my life!
Our friends did not disappoint. They all had fun shopping for a birthday present for a change, and my wife got to laugh at the increasing absurdity of the gifts she opened.
So which were the best? Well, she might have a different take on this, but since I’m the one writing this article, here are my three favorites.
A Squatty Potty!
That this ridiculous piece of plastic has been the subject of a wildly popular viral video just goes to show the power of marketing (and the fact that probably a lot of other birthday and bachelor gift-seekers are willing to pay a small amount of money for a cheap laugh). I’m especially impressed with the ‘Poop Better!’ sticker emblazoned proudly on the front of this thing, as though that has ever been an issue for any of us. But now we have one. We’ll probably put it in our playroom so our son can use it as a stool. And who knows? Maybe it’ll help him poop better.
A Turkey Hat!
Because of course she needed one of these.
Weird produce is a great gift in times like these. For those of you who are curious, it’s native to India and southeast Asia, smells vaguely like pineapple and bananas, and comes with a four-step instruction guide on how to cut into it. It also gave one of our guests an allergic reaction, and nobody but me liked it.
So the next time you’re stuck trying to figure out what to get somebody for their birthday or anniversary or whatever, consider organizing everything around some weird theme. It’ll make the whole process a lot more fun.
Happy tres tres, babe!