Sexual Harassment- The Only Thing You Need to Know

That’s right, my boorish partisan, keep your hands to yourself and don’t make extended eye contact. Today I bring to you everything you need to know about sexual harassment, ever. Many companies will provide mandatory sexual harassment seminars, some of which last for hours. This is patently absurd, since there is only one rule regarding…

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Spring simply wouldn’t be complete without a trip to Boston, MA. I will be there April 29th to share How to Get Fired! with the students and faculty of Boston College. I love Boston – or rather, am amused by it. I’m amused by any city that was designed around the horse. What do I…

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The Golden Wings of Gossip

I will be perfectly honest. Gossip drives the workplace. Even if you don’t actively participate in it, it is all around you. It flows through you, like the Force. It keeps people moving- alert- waiting for the next tacky, scandalous shoe to drop. You might even be lazily drawn to the heady aroma of juicy…

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I plan to bring the magic and message of How to Get Fired! to George Mason University in Fairfax, VA on April 28th. Yay! After failing to win the NCAA tournament this year, I imagine many despondent George Masonites will attend my lecture. And I shall not disappoint them. —– Jeff Havens is a professional…

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On April 24th I will be in Bloomington, IL to present Uncrapify Your Life! to Progressive Impressions International. This is where I grew up, people, where all the magic began.

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Lightening Your Workload: Self-Appraisals

At some point in your middle-management career, you’ll be given the arduous task of keeping up with how your team is performing. I won’t sugar-coat it; this is one of the most distasteful, time-intensive tasks that upper management can rain down upon you. Piles of data have to be compiled. There’s a deadline. Plus, you…

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The weather will be just right to visit Wisconsin Dells, WI on April 20th. I will be presenting Uncrapify Your Life! for the Wisconsin Bankers Association. If you have never been to the Dells, you absolutely have to go. Wisconsin Dells has the best water parks in the country, bar none, and also more fudge…

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On April 19 I will be at Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, IL promoting How to Get Fired!. I’ll be back in my home state, full of corn and soybeans and, you know, more corn and soybeans. I love corn, and I love soybeans. The soybean, incidentally, is one of the most amazing organisms on…

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I will be performing How to Get Fired! at Mercyhurst College in Erie, PA on April 14th. I love the name of this college. It alternately sounds loving and painful at the same time, and would look excellent on someone’s upper arm, perhaps surrounded by flames, but most definitely centered over a heart with a…

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Just a little note here to let you know that I’ll be on TV in Dayton, Ohio on April 9th. I’m sure you’ve heard of Dayton, everyone, it’s the home of…well…all those people who live in Dayton. I’ve actually performed in Dayton before at Wiley’s Comedy Club. Ah, the memories. —– Jeff Havens is a…

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Continuing with my tour de higher education, I will be at Indiana University-Kokomo, doing How to Get Fired! Oh, and the Indiana University-Kokomo mascot is the Cougars, which is super-awesome given that one of their biggest majors is nursing, it’s 70% female, and the average student is over 25.  I simply cannot think of a place…

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Welcome back, students! I will be starting the summer semester at Culver-Stockton College in Canton, Missouri today, April 6th. Culver-Stockton is the smallest college I have ever heard of, with an entire school population just under 600 people. I’d imagine that rush must be pretty easy for the Greeks on campus- “Hey, guess what! You’re…

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Customer Service: That’s Some Fine Print Work, Lou.

When you think of fine print, you might think of your local car dealership ads in the newspaper (you know, that roll of gray paper that used to show up on your doorstep every morning when you were a kid. It had the funnies in it…you now use it to pack things when you move.…

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Spying – It’s Not Wrong If They Never Find Out

As we all know, the moment you step inside your place of employment, you are subject to the whims of your employer. For the most part, your employer has created ‘best practices’ to help you move through the morass of your workday as fluidly as you can. For the most part. But there is something…

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Good News, Everyone!

How to Get Fired! goes on sale today. That’s right, today! As the world awakens, my influence will be spread into the collective consciousness, freeing up the time and minds of thousands, nay millions of potential employees! Productivity will plummet! Purchases of Xbox Live accounts will soar! Let the Pink Slip Revolution begin! (Bwa-ha-haaa!) But…

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Just When You Think That the World Maybe Makes Sense…

Here’s some information to ponder: ten years after graduating from college, philosophy majors earn more than business administration or nursing majors. Don’t believe me? Check out this link: http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/career-articles-college_grads_which_ones_earn_the_most-1103 Now, if you’ll pardon me, I have to go. My brain is about to explode.

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Warm and Fuzzy Moment: Rupert Murdoch

We all know him: the CEO of News Corp. Billionaire. Australian. World-class curmudgeon. But do we really know him? I mean- know him, know him? Turns out, nobody does. Here’s a quote about him from someone who knew him (before Murdoch had the man deported): “He travels alone, but then he is a loner. The…

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How to Get Fired! comes to Colorado!

I will be presenting How to Get Fired! at Johnson-Wales University in Denver, Colorado on Tuesday, March 23rd. As one of my old comic friends Lamont Ferguson said, “I love Denver. The weather is always surprising. Snowing on one house, a rainbow on the next – it’s magic.” Also, as Denver is the Mile-High City,…

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Going to be on CNBC.com!

Hey all, Just a quick note – I just found out today that How to Get Fired! is going to be featured on the home page of CNBC.com either tomorrow or Saturday.  I had an excellent interview this afternoon with Cindy Perman, and she has assured me that I am, in fact, not lying about…

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Becoming a Tyrant: The Organizational Chart

Structure is very important, isn’t it? You don’t have to be Frank Owen Gehry to understand that. (I bet you thought I was going to say Frank Lloyd Wright, didn’t you? You’d think the entire world was built by Frank Lloyd Wright, the way he monopolizes history texts and coffee table books. Well, look around,…

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