How to Become Part of a Minority Nobody Should Want to Be In!

Well folks, it looks like posting Spring Break pictures and engaging in long, incoherent rants against strangers actually can come back to haunt you.  According to a recent study, approximately 10% of people between 16 and 34 have been turned down for a job based on something they’ve posted on their social media sites.  Notice…

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How to Use Social Media to Make Your Life Miserable!

Wedding season is just around the corner, and we all know what that means.  It means that all across the world, women everywhere are going crazy trying to figure out how to incorporate all of the things they’ve pinned on Pinterest into a single, cohesive wedding.  I’m pretty sure some girls are already trying to…

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How NOT To Use Instant Messenger At Work

Thank you, random Internet searcher for your curiosity about instant messenger at work!  As some of you know, I have a professional development presentation called Becoming a More Annoying You!  that covers issues of conflict resolution, dress code, office behavior, and sexual harassment.  Which means that when someone wanted to learn more about instant messenger etiquette, they…

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I Just Want A Bag!

So yesterday I went shopping.  It’s something I generally don’t make a habit of, because there aren’t an enormous number of things I need to buy.  I already have all the stuffed animals I need, and I’m not allowed to get an attack helicopter until I clean out the garage, which I really don’t want…

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Fun Ways to Live in the Past!

Well, it’s official.  As of last week, Hotmail is dead.  All Hotmail accounts have been ported over to Microsoft Outlook.  If you have a Hotmail account then it will still say blubberfan@hotmail.com, or whatever your screenname is (which I hope isn’t blubberfan), but you’re really on an Outlook account.  The user experience isn’t going to…

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How to Continue Being Unhappy

Hello, and welcome to May!  It’s finally spring.  Everywhere you look, the butterflies are blooming, and the daffodils are coming out of hibernation and looking for salmon in the mountain streams.  Ants everywhere are gearing up to kill other ants, and bees are researching new and improved ways to administer anaphylactic shock.  Maybe we’ll get…

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Keyboarding Skills Are Totally Useless!

Last week, NBC ran a TV segment  predicting the potential demise of keyboarding classes.  It seems that so many kids are becoming accustomed to texting that they don’t see the need to learn formal keyboarding skills.   It also seems that smartphone manufacturers believe that predictive keyboarding is advancing at a rate that will make the…

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How To Make Embarrassing Mistakes!

So apparently a Fox affiliate in Dallas-Fort Worth ran a story where they accidentally named Zooey Deschanel as a possible suspect in the Boston marathon bombings.  It was an obvious error, and easily corrected, but it still had to be a weird half-hour or so for Zooey before everything got cleared up. That’s how most…

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How To Lose a Fortune with Bitcoins and Other Crazy Ideas

By now there’s a good chance that you’ve heard of Bitcoins.  If you haven’t, Bitcoins are fake money that some guy invented about four years ago, kind of like the bottle caps you sometimes use as poker chips when you can’t afford to buy real poker chips.  Then, because playing the stock market was apparently…

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Quick and Easy Ways to Ensure That Nobody Cares About Your Opinion

By now I’m sure you’re familiar with the Princeton mom, the woman who wrote a letter addressed to Princeton’s female college students encouraging them to find a man to marry while they were still in college.  Pretty much everyone in the world has commented on it by now, and most of those comments have included…

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Three Quick Ways to Add Stress and Unpleasantness to Your Life!

Did you know that April is Stress Awareness Month? I didn’t. Personally I think it’s hilarious that they would even bother to have a ‘Stress Awareness’ month. Is there anyone alive who isn’t aware of stress? Is it possible that some perpetually happy and carefree people are floating merrily through life without even the knowledge…

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Happy-Sounding Words to Make You Happy

Well, I’ve been saying it for years, and now it’s finally official – moist is the most disgusting word in English.  Those of you who know me know that I have waged an on-stage vendetta against the word moist for years now, and it’s good to know I’m not alone.  Check out these awesome statistics…

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How NOT To Find A Job After College!

The graduation season is approaching.  Right now, millions of college seniors are preparing themselves for the biggest life transition since the day they arrived in college.  And a couple months from now, industries all across the nation will be filled with people who only three months ago spent an entire week drunk on the beach.…

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The Best (Worst?) Customer Service Tips and Tricks from Jeff Havens

In honor of my favorite conference of the year*, the Contact Center Conference, I’ve put together my favorite blog posts with customer service tips and tricks.   *Unless you have a conference you want to hire me for, then that one’s my favorite. The Customer is Always Annoying – Here’s an advanced customer service technique I…

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How To Stifle Your Own Creativty and Be Useless In General!

No idea what to write today.  My brain is like a blank canvas – not the kind that you paint a masterpiece on, but the kind that you shove in a closet somewhere because someone who doesn’t know you very well bought you a canvas once despite the fact that you hate painting and never…

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Terrible Tips for Professional Meeting Planners!

Hello!  This morning I am going to be speaking to about 600 people at the Restaurant Facility Management Association, and everything is going to go great.  Which is usually the case.  I deliver somewhere between 50 and 80 keynote addresses every year, and most of them go off without a hitch. But as most professional…

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Workplace Ethics Advice From the Most Ethical Person Alive

As of today, I now have a framed certificate on my wall proclaiming me the Most Ethical Person Alive.  I got it while filming some videos about corporate ethics with a company in Dallas, and it’s impossible for me to overstate to you how hilarious it is that I now have this thing.  If they…

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My Hilariously Bad Trip Through Customs!

Canada.  Oh, how I want to love you!  I was in Toronto last week at Humber College, uncrapifying the crap out of them for their 25th annual all-staff professional development week.  And seriously, Canada, you’ve conducted the world’s most effective PR campaign ever.  You’re the second-largest country on the planet, and absolutely nobody hates you.…

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How NOT to Make a Decision!

Decisions.  Our life is full of them, and that’s why our lives are often very annoying.  I don’t remember ever agreeing to become an adult, do you?  I never asked for this.  I was perfectly happy as a child, being force-fed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because that was the easiest thing for my mom…

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