Three Quick Ways to Add Stress and Unpleasantness to Your Life!

Did you know that April is Stress Awareness Month? I didn’t. Personally I think it’s hilarious that they would even bother to have a ‘Stress Awareness’ month. Is there anyone alive who isn’t aware of stress? Is it possible that some perpetually happy and carefree people are floating merrily through life without even the knowledge…

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Happy-Sounding Words to Make You Happy

Well, I’ve been saying it for years, and now it’s finally official – moist is the most disgusting word in English.  Those of you who know me know that I have waged an on-stage vendetta against the word moist for years now, and it’s good to know I’m not alone.  Check out these awesome statistics…

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How NOT To Find A Job After College!

The graduation season is approaching.  Right now, millions of college seniors are preparing themselves for the biggest life transition since the day they arrived in college.  And a couple months from now, industries all across the nation will be filled with people who only three months ago spent an entire week drunk on the beach.…

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The Best (Worst?) Customer Service Tips and Tricks from Jeff Havens

In honor of my favorite conference of the year*, the Contact Center Conference, I’ve put together my favorite blog posts with customer service tips and tricks.   *Unless you have a conference you want to hire me for, then that one’s my favorite. The Customer is Always Annoying – Here’s an advanced customer service technique I…

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How To Stifle Your Own Creativty and Be Useless In General!

No idea what to write today.  My brain is like a blank canvas – not the kind that you paint a masterpiece on, but the kind that you shove in a closet somewhere because someone who doesn’t know you very well bought you a canvas once despite the fact that you hate painting and never…

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Terrible Tips for Professional Meeting Planners!

Hello!  This morning I am going to be speaking to about 600 people at the Restaurant Facility Management Association, and everything is going to go great.  Which is usually the case.  I deliver somewhere between 50 and 80 keynote addresses every year, and most of them go off without a hitch. But as most professional…

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Workplace Ethics Advice From the Most Ethical Person Alive

As of today, I now have a framed certificate on my wall proclaiming me the Most Ethical Person Alive.  I got it while filming some videos about corporate ethics with a company in Dallas, and it’s impossible for me to overstate to you how hilarious it is that I now have this thing.  If they…

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My Hilariously Bad Trip Through Customs!

Canada.  Oh, how I want to love you!  I was in Toronto last week at Humber College, uncrapifying the crap out of them for their 25th annual all-staff professional development week.  And seriously, Canada, you’ve conducted the world’s most effective PR campaign ever.  You’re the second-largest country on the planet, and absolutely nobody hates you.…

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How NOT to Make a Decision!

Decisions.  Our life is full of them, and that’s why our lives are often very annoying.  I don’t remember ever agreeing to become an adult, do you?  I never asked for this.  I was perfectly happy as a child, being force-fed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because that was the easiest thing for my mom…

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How To Make Someone’s Day In Five Minutes or Less!

So one of the nicest things ever happened to me last week, and I’ve been saving it for this week so I could share it with you.  If you’ve ever seen any of my Uncrapify Your Life! show, you’ll know that I talk a little bit about how small things often yield the largest rewards.…

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How To Stay Awake!

Hello, everyone!!!!!!!  You’ll notice an absurd number of exclamation points to start off this week’s blog.  That’s because I’m trying to trick myself into being excited today.  Right now I’m so tired that I’m not entirely certain I’m writing this in English.  After an evening presentation of Uncrapify Your Life! in Las Vegas, I have…

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Interview Techniques!

Today’s video is how to totally bomb an interview. Watch now, thank me later! Be sure to share this with your friends who are in the interview process!

Remember, They’re Rejecting You!

Simple Steps to Help You Become a Terrible Salesperson If you’re like most people, you’re reading this newsletter in the hope of finding a few ideas that will make you better at your job. But has it ever occurred to you that maybe you shouldn’t try to get any better? There are other jobs, you…

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Go Ahead and Steal My Car, Just Don’t Touch My Laptop or My iPhone!

I’m glad it’s this week, but that means it’s not last week.  Last week someone broke into my girlfriend’s office and stole her phone, along with a coworker’s headphones and someone else’s laptop. I think I would actually rather someone steal my car.  What’s a stolen laptop worth – $400, maybe $500?  But the information…

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Things Need To Get Done! …Or Do They?

Welcome back!  By now you should be settled back into your normal working routine.  The holidays are over, it’s a brand new year, and there are things that need to get done. Or do they? Fortunately for you, I know how to help you avoid the persistent, nagging problem of your ambition.  From time immemorial,…

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How to Make Learning As Difficult and Unrewarding as Possible!

Hello, and greetings from Europe! By now I’m back in the United States, but I have written this post from across the pond.  So this post will come to you slightly later than most of them, partially because Europe doesn’t have the Internet but primarily because as I’m writing this I don’t think I could…

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Happy New Year From The Future!

Greetings, and a Happy New Year!  I’m actually wishing you a happy new year from the future, because currently I’m in Spain, which means that I’m 6-9 hours older than you are.  And let me tell you, 2013 is going to be amazing!  They’ve invented so many new and crazy things I can hardly believe…

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Holiday Shopping Survival Tips

Hello, and welcome back.  I’m especially excited to be talking to you today.  I’m excited about everything, really – breathing, the feel of the cool winter air on my face, the quiet honking of geese flying overhead, even the occasional poop on my car from all those flying geese.  Why am I so grateful for…

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