About
Did you know that April is Stress Awareness Month? I didn’t. Personally I think it’s hilarious that they would even bother to have a ‘Stress Awareness’ month. Is there anyone alive who isn’t aware of stress? Is it possible that some perpetually happy and carefree people are floating merrily through life without even the knowledge of what stress is, and indeed if you were to say to them “I’m stressed” they would reply with “What is this stress of which you speak?” Oh, and Stress Awareness Month just so happens to be RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF TAX SEASON! FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, IS THERE A PERSON ALIVE WHO DOESN’T GET STRESSED DURING TAX SEASON?!?!?!?!?!?
However, in the spirit of Stress Awareness Month (founded in 1992, when stress was invented), I would like to share a few simple ways to help you add some stress to your life. I know that personally I love it when I’m so wound up I can’t sleep, and I’d like you to have to same nervous-tic-inducing life that I’ve managed to find for myself. So if you’d like to ruin whatever tranquility you’ve managed to find in the MIDDLE OF TAX SEASON, then keep reading!
Well, I’ve been saying it for years, and now it’s finally official – moist is the most disgusting word in English. Those of you who know me know that I have waged an on-stage vendetta against the word moist for years now, and it’s good to know I’m not alone. Check out these awesome statistics from a recently-published 
The graduation season is approaching. Right now, millions of college seniors are preparing themselves for the biggest life transition since the day they arrived in college. And a couple months from now, industries all across the nation will be filled with people who only three months ago spent an entire week drunk on the beach. The fact that America has survived this yearly ritual for as long as it has is a testament to our nation’s resilience.
By now everyone on the planet has officially shared their opinion about the issue of work-life balance. It is almost the only thing it has been possible to read about in the last month – thanks, Marissa Mayer! – especially if the article in any way mentions women. Everybody seems to be trying to find a work-life solution that will afford them happiness.
In honor of my favorite conference of the year*, the 
No idea what to write today. My brain is like a blank canvas – not the kind that you paint a masterpiece on, but the kind that you shove in a closet somewhere because someone who doesn’t know you very well bought you a canvas once despite the fact that you hate painting and never want to do it. I don’t think I’m going to have a useful thought all day today.
Hello! This morning I am going to be speaking to about 600 people at the Restaurant Facility Management Association, and everything is going to go great. Which is usually the case. I deliver somewhere between 50 and 80 keynote addresses every year, and most of them go off without a hitch.
As of today, I now have a framed certificate on my wall proclaiming me the Most Ethical Person Alive. I got it while filming some videos about corporate ethics with a company in Dallas, and it’s impossible for me to overstate to you how hilarious it is that I now have this thing. If they only knew some of the things I did in college, they probably wouldn’t have given it to me.
Decisions. Our life is full of them, and that’s why our lives are often very annoying. I don’t remember ever agreeing to become an adult, do you? I never asked for this. I was perfectly happy as a child, being force-fed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because that was the easiest thing for my mom to make. And I’ll bet if you’re honest with yourself, you’d love to go back to those days as well. Life should never have gotten more complicated than having to decide whether to play inside or outside.
