December 28, 2009
A very special Christmas gift to myself
Posted by: Jeff @ 12:20 pm
In this season of giving, it’s important not to overlook giving something special to oneself. That’s why I got myself a very special, and very expensive, present this holiday season. A new plasma TV? No, my good friends, even more expensive than that.
I got myself a double hernia surgery this Christmas. Why? Because I’m worth it. But more specifically, because I’d used up half of my deductible for the year already and figured to save a few thousand by doing it before 2010. I should have gone ahead and gotten a CT scan and maybe a full body MRI, which would have been a super-cool picture collage to hang around the house, but I don’t think I’ll get those in before New Year’s. So I’ll just have to wait until some other medical emergency comes up for me to capitalize on this particular quirk in our health care system.
Anyway, the surgery was great. I played my part admirably, I’m told, by being cooperatively unconscious the entire time. I wanted to stay awake and see the whole thing, but they can’t do a local anasthetic on your midsection, so they knocked me out. They also drew on my stomach with the best Sharpee marker on the planet, since I still haven’t managed to wash off everything they wrote on me (not for lack of trying, just so you know). Fortunately I have a kind doctor who just scribbled random things, but I can see some first-year interns taking advantage of their power in nefarious ways.
Aside from the fact that nobody ever wants to get surgery, I actually had very pleasant experience. Everybody was very nice, except for the anaesthetist, who seemed to be annoyed that I wasn’t already unconscious when he first met me. Not much of a people person, which explains why he chose a profession that allows him to make people shut up whenever he wants them to. But all in all, my first run-in with the Big Bad American Health Care System in fifteen years was a decent one. I haven’t seen the bill yet, of course. But then, I have insurance, so I know what I’ll be paying. If I didn’t…well, then I’d probably still have hernias.
What’s this have to do with business? Nothing really – I just felt like sharing. I would solicit your advice for the future, though. I don’t think they’ll overhaul health care too severely in the next year, which means that I might get around to the end of 2010 and have a few hundred dollars left on my deductible again, which of course will necessitate the spending of it in a crazy new way. Currently I’m thinking about contracting diphtheria, mostly because nobody I know has ever had it, and I’d like the bragging rights. But if you can think of a more entertaining way for me to spend my health insurance deductible on something extravagant and unnecessary, I’d love to hear it. Since we’re all slaves to this system, we might as well exploit it the best we can.
Hope you’re all well. Enjoy the rest of the year.
December 18, 2009
The wonderful world of doing it yourself
Hey all!
Just a quick update on where we are with How to Get Fired!, my new book which is published but which nobody can buy yet, unless you order it from this website, which you’ll already know if you’re reading this blog, so I don’t really need to be telling you. But I did. Ha!
Anyway, in the last few months I have established a publishing company (Big Pow! Books), found a printer, found a distributor, and registered for ISBNs, barcodes, and all the other fun stuff that comes with figuring everything out as you go. Turns out, most of this stuff isn’t hard – it just costs money, which I will theoretically make back once How to Get Fired! becomes the most popular book in the entire world, a feat which is likely impossible since the book contains neither wizards nor vampires. I think the next book I write will be about a vampire-wizard, or a wizard-vampire; I haven’t made up my mind.
The process of finding a distributor is generally the most important, and thus most difficult, part of dealing with books. I submitted to about eight, got rejected by two or three outright, but actually ended up having four or five express an interest. I think the key is having a decent business and marketing plan, doing a bit of research to show that your book might be different than the others on the market, and having something tangible to show them.
At any rate, the book’s official release date is going to be April 1. So, now it’s time to turn to publicity, the delicate art of paying somebody to tell you how great you’re going to be. Finding a publicist is seriously the easiest thing in the world; the hardest thing is knowing whether or not the person you hire will do anything worth paying for. Jury’s out – we’ll see what happens, but I’ll keep you posted.
To sum up: if any of you are thinking about publishing a book and would like to know more about the whole process, feel free to email me any time, and I’ll tell you everything I know. I can’t say yet whether my efforts are going to pay off, but it’ll be an interesting ride either way.
December 2, 2009
Finally entering the 21st century
Hello all,
Well, the world has beaten me. After years of everyone telling me how far behind the curve I am and how much I’m missing out on, I have finally decided to leave the 19th century and start my own blog. Part of my resistance has undoubtedly been the word ‘blog’ itself, which sounds to me like mild gastrointestinal ailment. “Are you OK?” “No, I just blogged a little, I don’t think the hot peppers are sitting well.”
However, since there is an outside chance that people might be interested in what I’m doing, here we go. This blog will consist primarily of updates about the various shows I’m putting together – Uncrapify Your Life!, How to Get Fired!, and the others that I’m currently working on – along with posts from around the country as I travel to perform and whatever other interesting thoughts I have that relate to either the professional or personal worlds. I promise not to post anything resembling a Twitter feed – for example, I will never mention what I’m eating or how much I love my new shoes – and I promise to keep my exclamation points to a bare minimum. And except for the end of this sentence, I WILL NOT CAPITALIZE ENTIRE BLOCKS OF TEXT IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE WHAT I’M SAYING LOOK MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT ACTUALLY IS.
So there you go. The point here is to have fun, share ideas, and hopefully build a community that – dare I say it – might actually work toward something positive. To that effect, I will be soliciting opinions and comments from time to time about various topics. I will be vetting all comments before they are posted, though, so please try to be civil. No cursing, no character assassination, no conspiracy theories, no pictures of naked people, no pictures of almost naked people, no pictures of people who look like they’re thinking about getting naked, etc.
And with that, let the games begin. (I wanted to put an exclamation point there, but I resisted.) It’s taken me five years to get around to setting one of these up. Now, let’s see what all the fuss is about.
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Finally entering the 21st century
Posted by: Jeff @ 10:33 am
Comments (0)
Awesome Keywords: blog, career, comments, how to get fired, introduction, jeff havens, uncrapify
Hello all,
Well, the world has beaten me. After years of everyone telling me how far behind the curve I am and how much I’m missing out on, I have finally decided to leave the 19th century and start my own blog. Part of my resistance has undoubtedly been the word ‘blog’ itself, which sounds to me like mild gastrointestinal ailment. “Are you OK?” “No, I just blogged a little, I don’t think the hot peppers are sitting well.”
However, since there is an outside chance that people might be interested in what I’m doing, here we go. This blog will consist primarily of updates about the various shows I’m putting together – Uncrapify Your Life!, How to Get Fired!, and the others that I’m currently working on – along with posts from around the country as I travel to perform and whatever other interesting thoughts I have that relate to either the professional or personal worlds. I promise not to post anything resembling a Twitter feed – for example, I will never mention what I’m eating or how much I love my new shoes – and I promise to keep my exclamation points to a bare minimum. And except for the end of this sentence, I WILL NOT CAPITALIZE ENTIRE BLOCKS OF TEXT IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE WHAT I’M SAYING LOOK MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT ACTUALLY IS.
So there you go. The point here is to have fun, share ideas, and hopefully build a community that – dare I say it – might actually work toward something positive. To that effect, I will be soliciting opinions and comments from time to time about various topics. I will be vetting all comments before they are posted, though, so please try to be civil. No cursing, no character assassination, no conspiracy theories, no pictures of naked people, no pictures of almost naked people, no pictures of people who look like they’re thinking about getting naked, etc.
And with that, let the games begin. (I wanted to put an exclamation point there, but I resisted.) It’s taken me five years to get around to setting one of these up. Now, let’s see what all the fuss is about.